Tuesday, 12 February 2013

The Higgs Boson is confirmed

Don't get too excited, this is nothing to do with the Higgs Boson.

It's just that it reminds me of that stage where they were pretty sure they had the Boson but couldn't quite announce it.

Turns out I was right yesterday.  My finely tuned depression detection machine was right. Today I am feeling more miserable than I have for weeks.  Not super miserable, but enough that I know I'm depressed, everything seems harder, and wasting time on facebook seems like a depressing vicious cycle instead of a happy goofing off.

The facebook cycle is: must get thing done, don't have enough energy, I'm not good enough, just surf facebook.  Oh I'm wasting my time, this is terrible, I'm bad... so repeat cycle.

I had a weird couple of weeks at the start of the year where I was happy and the cycle was: should get stuff done, who cares, what's on facebook, oh should have got stuff done, who cares?   And genuinely I didn't feel guilty about it - a very rare feeling for me.

Like I say this is not very miserable on my terms, the pointer at maybe 1 or 2.  But it is interesting that I spotted it coming yesterday.

UPDATE:  Went to get my daughter from school.  Wouldn't normally give her a lift but she was not on top form today (is that a British expression, not being on top form = being a little ill?)  Anyway, discovered I'd parked with my lights on and drained the battery.  We all walked home and got rather miserable.  Later on I can go and get the car when I have scored a jump lead and a friend to drive there.

But two things upset me.  One is that I just couldn't cope with the situation well and calmly as I should have done.  The second is that my decision making was way off.   A cold walk home for half an hour with two under-the-weather kids was a mistake (could have called a breakdown service or a friend or just got a taxi home).   And I left the car unlocked in case the electric doors couldn't open, realising when nearly home my car has a backup key entry so I could have locked it after all.  

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