Monday, 25 February 2013

Vignette: Quick as a flash

What set it off?

Most likely just plain hungry. Raised stress levels. Feeling lonely with Susanne out on vacation, and not dealing with that very gracefully. Increasingly stressed once we DID get around to talking. Ended up with her being annoyed that I wasn't paying enough attention to all the glorious things she was talking about.

So afterwards I just crashed. I haven't dove this deep since I started medicating. I couldn't contain myself — I walked around my apartment, crying in jagged hulking sobs, getting some food started so I could try to do something concrete about it all. Wanted to call Susanne, to have her help me through it, but also didn't want to dump this on her lap.

And then. Suddenly. It all just stopped again. Right now, my eyes still burn a little from the tears, and I feel hungry and stressed, but the sobbing is gone. The absolute conviction I am a bad husband who deserves nothing of what I have is gone.

Quick as a flash it shows up.

Quick as a flash it leaves again.

Leaving a trail of emotional devastation in anyone who had to witness it.

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