Saturday, 6 July 2013

"I need to..."

Again I posted this after the event. Hope it's of interest.

I'm not sure why I'm writing today. Hoping it will be a cathartic experience, and that I'll feel better as a result.
My trigger for this low period, has cme about to a lack of sleep, hormones and not much 'do nothing' time.

I just cut short a driving lesson wasting something like £22. Felt too shaky and not able to concentrate for the full lesson. It would end in more mistakes, and I would just feel even more useless.

I'm contemplating cancelling my tutorial this afternoon. The thing that is stopping me doing that is my student needs to organise future tutorials with me in person, with her diary in front of her. Otherwise she forgets, and doesn't turn up, and I'm left waiting around. Maybe I'll just cut it short too... one hour instead of two.

I feel like it's a lack of progress that's making me feel bad. But it could also be too many demands, by too many people. My graduation day is coming up. The parents are coming down, but I don't know when exactly, or how long for. I need to book a hotel room for them. I also need to get organised for me: what to wear, hair, make-up etc... I'm also going abroad in August, and need to sort out visa and immunisations etc. Need to plan lessons. Need to study bookkeeping techniques some more. Need to book driving theory test, and study for it.Need to do some research for my volunteer organisation. I think I need to sort out an educational activity too for them.

Too many 'I need to's.

I need to sleep, and do nothing for a day. Then I need to do some organising around the house (my way of relaxing, is putting order to things). Then I need to do nothing for a day. Then I'll be ready to face the world again.

But that's more 'I need to's.

Today is a day I want to spend in my hole. Don't want to deal with people any more. End of.

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