Tuesday, 14 January 2014

A less crazy New Year?

Happy New Year Depressed Academics,

I know it's only January, but I can feel in my bones that this year is going to be different. Maybe that's just optimism speaking, but really, I'm actually excited to see what this year brings.

A little update since my last post: My doc is swapping one of my old time mood stabilizers for a different one with less side effects and specifically, it has no weight gain side effects. Anytime I have a medication change, I feel uneasy. What if this medication isn't as effective? What if I feel worse? Would if I have to go back on the Depakote and my efforts amount to nothing? I had a week to think about whether I wanted to try this different medication, and I figured I might as well try it. I mean after all, a medication with less side effects is always going to appeal to me more than one with more.

The thing is the Depakote has always been a staple in my (most) stable med combo. Also, I have been on this medication before. It's called Tegretol and for me, it was a little less potent than the Depakote but I was also on it with a couple different meds than I am on now. So who knows! All I know is I am willing to try and if it doesn't work it out, so be it. I figure if I remain the same as I am now on the Tegretol and without the Depakote, I'll be content. If I crash, I know I am resilient and can always go back on the Depakote. My mum pointed out one outcome I didn't think of: Would if I actually feel even better than I do now? All I can do is marvel at that idea. We will see.

Now, onto this New Year business... I don't like the notion of New Year resolutions. It seems like a set up for failure or a trap to only plan your self-improvement projects for a once a year time frame. And that's silly to me. I am just telling myself to do what makes me feel good: restful sleep, exercise, healthy foods, routine. With those aspects in line, the rest will fall in place.

So maybe it will be a less crazy year. Maybe not. I still have to figure a lot of things out. I am aiming to complete my Masters thesis by March. Around that same time, I plan to notify of my potential return to my studies. It's really not a lot of time before March, and just thinking of these two things brings me stress! And then I simply remind myself to breathe and do only one thing at a time.

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