I seem to have had an energy transplant lately. I don't know who's got mine but I hope they are enjoying it.
That's a slightly longer term thing: doing more teaching than I am used to this semester (entirely reasonable amount by anybody's standards but first year back as full time from being half time for a decade.) It seems that it's been hard to get the energy to contribute fully and get things done in the key areas I want to outside of teaching.
More recently I had a cold a couple of weeks ago and it seems to be taking me a while to recover.
Today there was a specific thing.
I have been miserable today. I don't know why. But I was miserable, was highly unenthusiastic at work. Came home early and had a nap. Had a box of Maltesers I had been saving for a moment such as this. Did have the sense to go for a run as it might cheer me up. But the run had to be bailed on 4/10 of the way out and walked home. Had a comfort food supper. Had a bath.
I try hard to use a word like "dispiriting" when I'm not talking about the medical type of depression. But this was literally a depressing day.
But the reminder that I'm doing well is that this is news. I don't feel happy all the time but I've had months, maybe the odd year, where every day has been like this. For the last year or two a day like this has been news, so that is nice.
I still regularly say to myself I want to kill myself, but I don't really as I've covered before. But I guess I can't stop myself saying even here that everything is not perfect even though I've been doing well. But yes I am doing well.