Right now, I'm 3-4 days into the switchover: I have started noticing effects, but not stabilized yet.
I also have started seeing a psychologist for therapy. It's painful, but aspects of it are helpful as well. My worldview is intrinsically pretty horrifying, and once the basic assumptions my emotional circuits work with show up, the size of my emotional responses no longer are quite as outlandish as I am used to considering them to be.
My worldview, on the other hand, is pretty unreasonable. But this is hard to change, and won't happen in an instance.
I have an appointment with my main psychiatrist in Stockholm already scheduled. My plan for that is to
- validate the medication adjustments, possibly talk about further adjustments - depending on how much the fluoxetine increase dulls me off
- ask if we can add psychotherapy to my treatment plans. I've done only medication for over a year now, and it helped a lot in the beginning, a little in the middle, and not so much towards the end of the year. It would be ... very nice if I could get to use therapy to help me reshape my worldview so that it is not quite as terrifying.
Even if it turns out to be difficult to add psychotherapy in my health care plan, I think we will do it. If we have to pay for the therapy sessions ourselves, we can afford to do so, and I'm likely to get some support from my employer's healthcare plans as well.
But right now? Kinda difficult.
I feel useless. I cannot concentrate. I beat myself up for not doing
anything enough. I feel ugly.
Then again, I got rejections on a journal submission and a job application today. So maybe feeling a little bit shitty is not ... entirely unreasonable.
I really should write here more.