Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Remembering I have medication

Over a year ago, when I started my current treatment plan, I got a scrip for oxazepam to help with the anxiety attacks that come with ramping up fluoxetin. Turns out that the anti-anxiety med work incredibly well for whacking me out of an anxiety spiral, so I kept them, and asked my psychiatrist to give me a new (small!) scrip to keep this as an emergency break option.

Today, for the first time in the 17 months I've had these pills, I remembered them while entering the spiral and took one.
Previously I've always either ridden the anxiety out (painful) or only gotten around to the pills when Susanne suggested them to me mid-crash.
Today I actually remembered myself.

I have no clue what was going on though. I was hanging out, lazily surfing the web when I got some sort of discomfort feelings. Either hunger or nausea, but can't quite tell which… And then it went off: within a few minutes I was starting large wracking heaving sobs. Somewhere along the ride I realized something was happening and first googled for anxiety self help techniques before I realized I have those damn pills right here.

Took a few minutes for them to kick in; I went for a (long overdue) shower and halfway through I went from deep sobs to … nothing … in the space of a single breath.

It is a tough ladder to climb:

  1. recognize the emotions I experience
  2. recognize the emotions when they happen
  3. realize I have tools to deal with them
  4. realize I have tools to deal with when they happen
I'm sure later stages are on the horizon, but now I'm still struggling somewhere around 3. Sometimes between 2/3 and sometimes between 3/4.

1 comment:

  1. Hi, I hope you are feeling better by now but if not I just wanted you to know that I experienced something very similar before. The last time it happened, it lead into an eventual psychotic break. I realize that I have a mental illness but I also learned that I had been living with an undiagnosed thyroid disorder probably for many years. Changing thyroid levels can cause violent fluctuations in mood even when thyroid hormone levels are within the normal range. And there is a strong correlation between thyroid disorders and bi-polar disorder. This may not be you at all but what you described sounds so similar to what happened to me in the past that I thought I would add some insight. I still wonder if my psychosis was at least partly due to my thyroid disorder. Now that my thyroid is removed, I feel much better and hormone levels are closely controlled through thyroid replacement medication. Please post back as to how you are doing. Thanks


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