Today, for the first time in the 17 months I've had these pills, I remembered them while entering the spiral and took one.
Previously I've always either ridden the anxiety out (painful) or only gotten around to the pills when Susanne suggested them to me mid-crash.
Today I actually remembered myself.
I have no clue what was going on though. I was hanging out, lazily surfing the web when I got some sort of discomfort feelings. Either hunger or nausea, but can't quite tell which… And then it went off: within a few minutes I was starting large wracking heaving sobs. Somewhere along the ride I realized something was happening and first googled for anxiety self help techniques before I realized I have those damn pills right here.
Took a few minutes for them to kick in; I went for a (long overdue) shower and halfway through I went from deep sobs to … nothing … in the space of a single breath.
It is a tough ladder to climb:
- recognize the emotions I experience
- recognize the emotions when they happen
- realize I have tools to deal with them
- realize I have tools to deal with when they happen
I'm sure later stages are on the horizon, but now I'm still struggling somewhere around 3. Sometimes between 2/3 and sometimes between 3/4.