Friday, 9 September 2016

Maybe it was ok to be not so very good at everything as I wanted to be

Today has been a hard day. And it's not even a hard day really.

It just reminded me of what many many days were like until recently.

It's not that I can't do anything. I drove my kids around to various appointments. I went shopping. I wrote a couple of things I needed to write for work.

But when I wasn't doing anything particular I was down all day today (still am but pleased to be writing this as a distraction from that and because I wanted to capture the mood I am in.)

Suddenly distractions are too tempting to avoid.

It's been very hard to make decisions (which soft drink to buy?)

I've felt anxious for no reason several times (have I bought the wrong kind of cheese?)

I've been reminded of tiny things from my life which make me feel bad.

I've got round most of these things and coped, but it's not fun. In fact I've done ok in realising that it's just a bad day and been able to cope at the meta-level ok, realising that ok it's just a bad day and things are not as bad as they seem.

But I've been doing very well for a couple of months I think, really significantly less anxious and not perpetually in a low mood. And starting to feel like I know how to get things done again. Those are all things I didn't feel for more than 2 years before that.

This is a reminder of where I was and why life was hard and maybe it was ok to be not so very good at everything as I wanted to be. Which is not what I was telling myself at the time.

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