I would not say I have been doing too well the last few weeks. Had a bad week a couple of weeks ago.
A lot of the time I tell myself "I want to kill myself" and "I am the worst person in the world." It's a mental tic, not reality. I don't want to kill myself and I don't think I am the worst person in the world.
Yesterday I realised towards the end of the day that I'd had no joy in the day. Which was odd. I realised that very often even when I'm miserable - unless I am really bad - I have moments of joy even if it's just sharing a good joke. Yesterday I seemed to be just at a level where I wasn't deeply miserable all day, but nothing was good.
In the end I did think of some joy I'd had, so that was nice.